Čo takto nejaký vtip na rozveselenie?

  > > > > > > > > radi. Avsak  nezavisle
  > > > > > > > > od toho, ako sa stary pan snazil, jeho manzelka
  > > > > > > > > nikdy nedosiahla orgazmus.
  > > > > > > > > A kedze zidovska manzelka ma narok na sexualne
  > > > > > > > > uspokojenie, obratili sa o
  > > > > > > > > radu k rabinovi.
  > > > > > > > > Rabin si vypocul ich otazku, pohladil si bradu a
  > > > > > > > > navrhol:
  > > > > > > > > * Najmite svarneho mladika. A ked sa budete milovat,
  > > > > > > > > nech mladik nad vami
  > > > > > > > > mava uterakom. To pomoze vasej manzelke fantazirovat
  > > > > > > > > a urcite dosiahne orgazmus.
  > > > > > > > > Tak sa vratili domov, ze vyskusaju rabinovu radu.
  > > > > > > > > Najali pekneho mladika a
  > > > > > > > > povedali mu, nech nad nimi mava uterakom, ked sa
  > > > > > > > > budu milovat. Ale vobec to
  > > > > > > > > nepomohlo a manzelka nebola uspokojena.
  > > > > > > > > Zniceni sa vratili k rabinovi.
  > > > > > > > > * Dobre, povedal ten manzelovi, tak to vyskusajte
  > > > > > > > > opacne. Nech sa  mladik
  > > > > > > > > miluje s vasou zenou a vy nad nimi mavajte uterakom.
  > > > > > > > > Zasa sa vratili domov a nasledovali rabinovu radu.
  > > > > > > > > Mladik si lahol do
  > > > > > > > > postele s manzelkou a stary pan zacal mavat
  > > > > > > > > uterakom. Mladik sa s vervou
  > > > > > > > > pustil do prace a coskoro manzelka dosiahla obrovsky

  > > > > > > > > Manzel sa usmial, vitazoslavne sa pozrel na mladika
  > > > > > > > > a hovori:
  > > > > > > > > * Vidis ty smejd, takto sa ma mavat uterakom!

An 18 year-old girl tells her Mum that she has missed her period for two months. Very worried, the mother goes to the Chemist and buys a Pregnancy kit.

The test result shows that the girl is pregnant. Shouting, cursing, crying, the mother says, "Who was the pig that did this to you? I want To know!"

The girl picks up the phone and makes a call.

Half an hour later a Ferrari stops in front of their house; a mature and distinguished man with grey hair and impeccably dressed in an Armani suit steps out of the Ferrari and enters the house.

He sits in the living room with the father and the mother, and the man Tells them: "Good morning, your daughter has informed me of the problem. I can't Marry her because of my personal family situation but I'll take charge. I will pay all costs and provide for your daughter for the rest of her life. Additionally, if a girl is born I will bequeath her 2 retail stores, a townhouse, a beachfront villa and a $2,000,000 bank account. If a boys born, my legacy will be a couple of factories and a $4,000,000 bank account. If twins, they will receive a factory and $2,000,000 each.However, if there is a miscarriage, what do you suggest I do?"

At this point, the girls father, who had remained silent, places a hand firmly on the man's Shoulder and tells him:- "You sh*g her again."

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Manzelsky par sa rozhodne na chvilu uniknut tuhej zime a stravit

tyzden na juhu pri mori. Z pracovnych dovodov sa stane, ze manzelka moze odletiet az o den neskor. Manzel odleti podla planu. Po prichode sa ubytuje v hotelovej izbe, vytiahne svoj laptop a ihned posiela mail svojej manzelke. Pritrafi sa mu vsak hlupa chyba a pri zadavani e-mailovej adresy vynecha jedno pismeno a mail sa tak dostane do e-mailovej schranky istej vdovy, ktora prave odprevadila svojho muza do hrobu. Vdova si prave prezera v pocitaci postu, ci jej neprisli nejake sustrastne vyjadrenia od priatelov alebo znamych..... Vo chvili, ked jej syn vstupi do izby, zena uz lezi v bezvedomi na zemi. Zrak mu padne na monitor pocitaca, kde cita:

Komu: Mojej opustenej manzelke Od: Tvojho muza, ktory odisiel skor Vec: Dorazil som

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Najdrahsia, prave som v poriadku dosiel. Uz som sa tu celkom

a vidim, ze je vsetko pripravene na Tvoj zajtrajsi prichod.

Zelam Ti stastnu cestu a cakam Ta. Lubim Ta,

Tvoj manzel

P.S. Tu dole je certovsky horuco!!!!